I moved last weekend.
Which is to say I currently live in a house composed entirely of boxes. I will not be done unpacking until 2027.
I have to say, though, I have never felt more blessed than when my friends came out of the woodwork to tell me they would help me move. It was awesome.
Friends I hadn’t talked to in years, random acquaintances and — oddly enough — a small group of guys I have dated* gave me a shout to tell me they would be at my apartment at 9 a.m., ready to help move my many, many, many clothes and dressers and shoes and kitchen appliances. (Why do I still have a sandwich maker and a hot pot? Am I 19 years old and/or a hobo?)
I felt all the more excited about it because Kevin Burris — my WWKI partner in crime — told me last week, “You really find out who your friends are when you move.”
“Pffft, Kev,” I said. “That’s crazy talk. I have tons of friends. Tons.”
Then Saturday rolled around.
And two friends showed up. Two. Dos. Deux.
And one of them was an hour late. (“Dude, are you on Chicago time?!”)
Things I discovered during the course of the move:
• Mattresses and Beluga whales have the same weight and approximately the same volume.
• As the move goes on, the line between “good, quality items” and “Goodwill items” becomes blurry. After about two hours of moving, I just wanted to haul the remaining boxes to the resale shop.
• There’s a couch sitting in my old apartment. I have no idea what to do with it.
• There is a fat possum and a very skinny cat who would like to apply to be my newest roommates.
(I’m considering it. Wouldn’t be a bad deal if they chip in for utilities. Or they help me move the couch in my old apartment.)
• Men you might date and platonic friends are more reliable moving buddies than men you have told you no longer want to date. For that matter, so are small children, crack dealers, house plants and unicorns.
• I’m never moving again. I’m pretty sure I will die in this house at the age of 98. Just me, Skinny Cat and the possum. I hope to be unpacked by then.
Erin Shultz
[friday] editor / Wants to thank
everyone who helped paint, pack and move her. You guys rock.
*To clarify: I dated several men, and I’m classifying them in a group. I did not date a whole group of men,
“Big Love” style, at once.
