By DICK WOLFSIE
I got some great news the other day about my new book “Mornings with Barney.” A European publisher has bought the rights and the book will be translated into German. I was so excited about this that I couldn’t decide if I wanted to celebrate by indulging in a hearty Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier or throw all caution to the wind and just inhale an entire Black Forest Chocolate cake at the Heidelberg Café.
I decided to send a note to all the people on my e-mail list and let them know my good fortune. The congratulations started pouring in. I was amazed at how many of my acquaintances spoke some degree of German. I received responses from a number of friends that included sentiments like these: Wir wunschen ihnen viel erfolg; Ausgezeichnet; Achh! Das isss goot ting fer yu, Ya! Gratuliere; Sehr gut, mein Herr. And finally this one: Gesundheit, no doubt a suggestion that maybe my news wasn’t worth e-mailing the world about and it was his way of saying that it was something to sneeze at.
I figured out what all those phrases meant only because my wife and son speak a smattering of German, and they happily decoded these well wishes for me. But there were several additional, more complicated, messages that required translation by a friend who teaches German at the University of Indianapolis. I wish I hadn’t asked her help. Here are a few she translated:
• Oh good, now there are two languages I won’t read your book in.
• Do you think you’ll be as funny in German as in English? I certainly hope not.
• So let me understand this. Barnes and Noble isn’t carrying the book in Noblesville, but I can get it in Dusseldorf. Great marketing plan, Wolfsie.
• That chapter where Barney eats breakfast at Bob Evans: How will they translate that?
• Is there a Half Price Books in Frankfort?
• Can I buy it on Amazon.com with one click of my heels?
• Hey, that’s great! I have relatives who just moved to Germany. Except they hate dogs. Wait, they weren’t crazy about you, either.
• I’m sure it won’t be a very good read in German. But maybe that’s just sour kraut.
• Here’s another great idea. How about your book “Indiana Curiosities” in German? You know, for people who live in Berlin and are looking for a fun day trip to Shelbyville or Greenfield.
• I never really understood your humor. I guess this won’t change anything.
• You convinced a German company to publish a book about a dead dog and an aging reporter on an American TV station. You must have one heck of an agent, Dick.
• Do they know Barney was not a German Shepherd? How about Mornings with Siegfried?
• Hey, maybe now I’ll finally read it in a nice hotel suite in lovely Lubek on our anniversary, after a cruise on the Rhine. Your loving wife, Mary Ellen.
My agent thinks I should do a book tour when the new German edition comes out. But I don’t see what good that would do. I can’t do a book signing because I can’t write in German and I can’t make a presentation because I can’t speak German.
Oh, what the heck, I’m going to give it a shot. Hope to see you at the Hamburg Gift and Hobby Show.
Dick Wolfsie is an on-air personality at WISH-TV Channel 8 and weekly contributor to the Kokomo Tribune. Contact him at wolfsie@aol.com
