America’s Team backed the shiny new Rolls-Royce out of its seven-car garage the other night so that a football-watching universe could squeeze in one collective ooh when it wasn’t busy aah-ing. There were bells, whistles and I’m guessing concession prices so outrageous that brown-bagging might be an option during future events.

“You want pepperoni on your slice of pizza? Should have said so. I’ll need to see that debit card again.” Never has a bologna sandwich and a Zip-lock filled with Ruffles sounded so tasty.

As you’ve probably guessed, I’m not a Dallas Cowboys fan. Rooted against Tom Landry, Roger Staubach and Tony Dorsett as a kid. Felt the same about Jimmy Johnson, Troy Aikman and Michael Irvin a decade later. Just plain laughed at self-written punchlines like Barry Switzer and franchise owner Jerry Jones, the latter now positioned one cosmetic procedure away from having to breathe through his forehead.

Speaking of Jones, Dallas’ home opener against the New York Giants was all about the stadium, a 111,000-seat monstrosity replete with a video screen the approximate size of New Hampshire. And about Jones, whose every move (not counting restroom breaks, thank God) was caught by NBC cameras.

There’s Jerry waving. There’s Jerry high-fiving. There’s Jerry grimacing. Spectacular as it may be, Cowboys Stadium isB one more 1.3-billion-dollar reason for us to loathe the franchise because it’s nothing more than unnecessary excess. Two weeks into the regular season and already it’s been shoved down our throats. There’s more to come beginning with Dallas’ game this coming Monday night against Carolina and continuing with sure-fire national broadcasts the remaining six home games.

With any luck, the streak stops there, with the Jan. 3 date with Philadelphia. Any more means Dallas made the playoffs, and, seriously, we just don’t need that.

COLTS NOT DOMINANT, BUT WINNING

Nine of the NFL’s 32 franchises will enter Week 3 undefeated, the Indianapolis Colts being one of them. Indy has won those first two games by a total of six points, hardly reminiscent of Colts squads of years past that would hang 35 or 45 points on some outmatched opponent scrambling like mad to slow Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison and the others.

Guess what? The standings don’t care. Wins are wins, which means Indianapolis is getting accomplished exactly what it set out to do when the 2009 season began. Sure, the Colts have issues on both sides of the line of scrimmage to address, but name a high school, college or pro team that doesn’t.

No, the team isn’t one of the league’s highlight-reel darlings through two weeks, but it is finding ways to win close games, a habit that will come in handy in December and January.

• Mike Beas is a freelance writer/columnist and Kokomo native who resides in Carmel. He may be reached at mbeas@att.net.