My mother-in-law, Ann, could be tough. One year, she wanted to buy a new car. She named her price, but the dealer said he could not meet such a price. She thanked him and started off, but he persuaded her to sit down and talk further. After four hours, she got her price! I say this not to brag about her persistence (although I do), but to demonstrate that she was no weakling.

Ann passed away on Jan. 8 after a long battle with Parkinson’s disease compounded by dementia. Today I want to share how my mother-in-law did everything she could to reduce stress for her family during her decline. I am hoping her story will serve as an example for us – if not now, eventually.

My mother-in-law chose (even without a suggestion from us) to relocate into a condominium. She had resided in the same house for more than 78 years; her parents carried her inside as an infant. The house echoed a lifetime of memories, yet she realized that maintaining the house had become too much. She diligently reduced stored items and gifted or sold what would not fit in a condo.

Shortly after the move, Ann’s health began to decline. She decided – of her own accord – that it was better if she gave up driving. Some elderly people refuse to surrender their driving rights – even after fender benders and being entreated by their children to do so. My mother-in-law cared more about the people she might harm than her personal independence. It wasn’t just about her. It was a matter of being realistic, not egotistic. That means being honest about yourself to yourself.

Ann and most of her family live in the Chicago area, from which I and Marylu hail. Marylu’s nearby sister bore most of the brunt of helping her, while other family members pitched in. From a distance, all we could do was send frozen meals when Marylu would make frequent trips to visit with her. Fortunately, Ann liked our cooking. Her message was, “Send food!”

The doctors were unsure of her condition, but my mother-in-law sensed she was running low on energy and that something was wrong. So she asked – of her own accord – to move into an assisted living facility.

So Ann relocated into an assisted living facility in a nearby suburb. I am an enthusiastic supporter of assisted care. Whereas few people find the nursing-home lifestyle desirable, assisted living can be wonderful. Most assisted living facilities serve good food, offer great social opportunities, and provide you with your own apartment. Moving into an assisted living facility can be a pre-emptive strike to prevent one from having to move into a nursing home!

I wonder how many frail, elderly women – who are determined to live at home against the wishes of their family – eventually fall and break a hip. Then they find themselves in a nursing home – often permanently. Although such a thing can happen in an assisted living environment, it is much less likely.

By the time my mother-in-law was situated in the assisted living facility, she had been diagnosed. As the months flew by, her health deteriorated. She soon asked to be moved into a nursing home. We were ready to suggest that idea to her, but before we could say anything, Ann asked us. Not many folks would ask to move into a nursing home – no matter how obvious the choice! She lived in the nursing home (where she received excellent care) for about two years before she succumbed.

When I think of all the families that cannot persuade an elderly relative to make reasonable (but painful) changes, I realize how fortunate we were. Nobody wants to give up his or her independence, even a little. But denying reality is never an honest policy. Nor is it considerate of worried family members.

My mother-in-law knew her family loved her, and her love for her family motivated her to be concerned about cushioning us. It wasn’t just about her. That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave for my children.

• Ed Vasicek is pastor of Highland Park Church and a weekly contributor to the Kokomo Tribune.